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A Bittersweet Cookie Recipe: Growing Up Asian in Elk River

Featured Image- Vitor Fiacadori

Have you ever been asked “How do dogs taste?”, “Why aren’t you back in your home country?”, and “What river did you cross to get here?” Probably not. I, however, have been personally asked every one of them.

Imagine walking into school knowing that everyone has an arsenal of put downs to say just because of your hair and eye color.

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Image by: Edmonton Public Schools

This is what I, and many other people, are going to face every day for the rest of our lives.

It isn’t easy growing up in a society where you are the minority. Everyone looks at you differently and makes assumptions about you.  I know from experience that it is very lonely. You just want to fit in and have friends, but it’s difficult when parents fill their child’s brain with stereotypes about you, because everyone is born innocent.

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In elementary school, kids still maintain their innocence and treat you like they would anyone else. And I am blessed to have made a couple good friends who don’t judge me by my race.

That is probably the only time in my life, that I’ve smiled for more than a minute.

Middle school and High school is a different story. You’re elementary school buddies find new people and leave you in the dust. However you cannot do the same because kids start learning about race and issues relating to that. And suddenly, you are viewed very differently.

Half the time you worry about if you are able to sit at a table at lunch. I know I’ve thought that many times.

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Image by: James Vaughan

Who would want to express themselves when all that they will receive is comments that make them feel miserable about themselves? I know I don’t.

High school is meant to be a time of adventures and fun. I only wish I could say that. During freshmen year, I was asked, “Your eyes are small, are you Chinese?”, “What did you have for dinner last night? Cat?”, “Why are you so short?”, and much more. How can you have fun when you’re harassed by the fear of someone making a racist comment?

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Image by: carlo occhiena

Even teachers who I thought were supposed to accept you openly, regardless of who you are, have made racist remarks to me.

I look around and see my acquaintances involved with their friends. And I think to myself, why don’t people want to be friends with me? Why am I always alone? Eventually it came down the the obvious answer: I’m Asian.

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But with the bad, comes the good. In 9th grade, one day at lunch, my prayers were answered.

I was sitting alone at a table. But then a very nice girl walked across the lunchroom and invited me to come sit with her and her friends. It’s what I’ve wanted for like forever. But some guys I knew were right next to them. I feared what would happen if they saw I was sitting with girls. And I realize I made the biggest mistake of my life that day. I declined her offer, and lost her friendship. It will continue to haunt me every day, because she showed me true kindness and I will most likely never get to tell her how important she was to me and how bad I feel for not understanding how she saw past my race and acknowledged me as a person.

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I feel like a weenie, because I failed to show grace under pressure. In other words, I screwed up the chance I had at having a good friend.

This event showed me that even though people can be mean, there are others who truly accept you for who you are. And it helped me understand, that there was nothing wrong with me, but rather how narrow minded society can be at times.

Overall, it’s not easy living in a community where you are the minority. Whatever you do, whatever you say, people are going to judge you because of the fact that you are a different race. I personally think that it is a very stupid reason to criticize someone.

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Image by: ssalonso

The Racism. It Stops With Me website shows how racism is a continuing issue.

Despite being different, I have learned to be proud of my Hmong ethnicity and how far I have come. I cannot change who I am no matter how hard I try, and I find the most important thing is that I am happy with myself and who I am.

I’m not saying that everyone goes through this, but I am certain that this is an experience many people can relate to. Perhaps not even people of a minority race.

This video pretty much sums up what I’ve lived through:

The message at the end of the video is what I also would like to say. I would like to thank that amazing girl, my good friends, and my loving family for helping me accept and love myself. Along with having a positive impact on my life.

It is my hope that one day in the future, racism will be eliminated so everyone can feel a sense of acceptance and happiness, because individuality is what makes each and every one of us special. Let’s not stand against each other, but rather stand with each other.

 

 

Now sit back, relax, hit that big white triangle, enjoy some Avicii, and whoever you are, have a nice day 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

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What do you think?

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15 Comments:

  • RoniAnn

    March 22, 2021 / at 8:05 amsvgReply

    ChinengV, your message lives on. My child’s english teacher, here at ERHS, posted this today as part of today’s reading. Impactful. Thank you for sharing your pain so others here in Elk River realize racism, even in ignorance, is present, sadly due to parent’s lack of humanity passed on to their children. I can only hope your pain has helped others through their struggles. Thank you for your message. I am sorry you had to endure the pain growing up, especially in our schools where all children and youth should feel safe.

  • Logan Schmidt

    December 9, 2015 / at 2:30 pmsvgReply

    Hey Cookie. Great Blog post. I knew that you always had a hard time making friends, but I didn’t fully realize the full extent of the truth be the mask. Who you are, what you do, and what you stand for, those are the things I believe are what should look at, not one’s race, or looks, or items the own. If it comes down to it, I believe its the person beneath the looks, the race, and the items that should be looked at.

    Now I apologies. I know I was one who saw you get harassed, and I did nothing. I feel like a complete jerk about what I did, but I believe it is an extent of what happened to me in the past. I was the new kid in the middle school, because I moved to my new home near the school recently, so I was constantly picked on. I can relate to your feelings about being short and smaller then everyone else, because I felt it as well. I give you my deepest of apologies, and ask for your forgiveness. Thanks.

    Logan.

    • ChinengV

      December 11, 2015 / at 3:51 amsvgReply

      You make very true points Logan, and I definitely agree with you. I can relate with you about being picked on and harassed for certain things, and I understand it’s not easy to take a stand as you described. However, I’ve learned that we shouldn’t be afraid to stand for what we believe is right, no matter how difficult that may be. Logan, we both know who we are. But because that may be different from the mob mentality, we are going to be judged whether we like it or not, and similarly, I witnessed you being harassed constantly in middle school and I apologize as I also failed to do anything. All we can do now is learn from the past and have confidence in who we are moving toward the future. Also, in my eyes, you have nothing to apologize for and I thank you for being a friend.

  • Ava M

    December 7, 2015 / at 3:56 amsvgReply

    Cookie, I never understood the extent of what you talked about in your blog and the racism you have to endure, maybe it’s because I have never really felt it before. But, I want you to know that it was very courageous of you to write this blog, and remember to not let your race define you, there is so much more to you than that! It was very eye-opening to read this thanks for writing it!

    • ChinengV

      December 9, 2015 / at 3:34 amsvgReply

      Thank you for your kindness Ava! And thank you so much for being my friend. It’s great to know that you and many other people do not have to struggle like me to find friends or even express myself. Either way, I hope we can all treat each other with respect and look at life from a positive perspective so that we can all feel accepted openly and find friends that make us happy to be who we are.

  • HelenaP

    December 3, 2015 / at 5:00 pmsvgReply

    Cookie I never knew that people were harassing you and I wish you would have told me, although this is a hard topic to talk about with someone. I hope you know and always know that you are always welcome at my lunch table, group, or anything else. I want you to know that you have made an impact on my life. In fourth grade, you were on of the few people who ever talked to me. One of the only people who ever gave me a chance. I was the new Mexican kid that came from Mpls. that people just were afraid to be around because I “lived in a bad neighborhood” even though that wasn’t the truth. I thank you so much for that. You made Twin Lakes a lot easier for me. Know that you can always come to my door or shoot me a text even if its to say hi. I’m really proud of you for posting this. Great job!

    • ChinengV

      December 8, 2015 / at 2:09 amsvgReply

      Thank you for your thoughtful words Helena! And I’m happy to hear that I helped you feel welcomed in elementary school. Similarly, you help me feel welcomed and I appreciate your company.

  • Alyssa

    December 3, 2015 / at 3:49 pmsvgReply

    Cookie, i am so sorry you have gone through so many horrible things and i think your post is very relatable. I havent gone through the extent of harassment as you have but i can relate on the level of being a “dumb blonde” or a “white girl” people are cruel its become to the extent where ive been made fun of about my height and weight. Like you said when you are born your mind is innocent but as you grow older its filled with poison. Now you, me and many others cant look in the mirror the same way we did on our first day of kindergarten because of these comments and opinions others have of us. I just want you to know that if you ever need a friend or just even someone to talk to im there, and that this took a lot of courage to write about this.

    • ChinengV

      December 8, 2015 / at 1:58 amsvgReply

      Thank you Alyssa for giving me the comfort of knowing that I have a friend. It saddens me to hear that you’ve been called those things. But although we face that, perhaps we should look at it this way: Maybe they’re just jealous 🙂

  • JessicaH

    December 3, 2015 / at 3:48 pmsvgReply

    Hey Chineng, I’m in your band, you probably know me. Remember you have the whole family of weird band kids to fit into. Your blog was amazing and I wish people weren’t racist like they are, but they are. Just got to focus on the good parts of life. 🙂

    • ChinengV

      December 8, 2015 / at 1:50 amsvgReply

      Yes, I do know you Jessica. It’s good to know there’s always a great group of people I can trust. And thank you for your optimistic mindset!

  • Ethan G

    December 3, 2015 / at 3:42 pmsvgReply

    Very inspiring. I didn’t think it was even that big of a problem.

    • ChinengV

      December 8, 2015 / at 1:45 amsvgReply

      Thanks Ethan, you’ve been a good friend and you’ve helped me feel like this isn’t a problem.

  • Laura Schmierer

    December 3, 2015 / at 3:41 pmsvgReply

    amazing blog, it took a lot of courage to post this and I respect you completely for what you’ve done!

    • ChinengV

      December 8, 2015 / at 1:38 amsvgReply

      Thank you for your kind words Laura, it means a lot to me!

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    A Bittersweet Cookie Recipe: Growing Up Asian in Elk River