[dropcap]W[/dropcap]hen Bryan’s wife first hit him, he was shocked, but knowing that it was inappropriate to hit back, he remained submissive, curled up in a ball, hands around the head, as she screamed and hit him. Like a lot of other victims of domestic violence, Bryan believed that he was to blame for this, as that’s what his wife told him. He continued to love and support his wife, trying to help her gain control of her outbursts that he assumed were an unusual event.

The 2 remained married for the next 6 years, eventually having 2 children. Although Bryan at this point had been beaten so hard that he had lost complete hearing in one ear, he wasn’t concerned for himself, but for his children. One day, Bryan’s wife had started beating him while their 3-year-old was also in the room. The child cried, “Mommy, stop hurting Daddy,” Horrified when his wife had turned and started walking towards the child in anger, he restrained her, stating that he would call the police. Consequently, her initial shock gave Bryan enough time to grab his 2 kids and leave, never looking back. Bryan eventually called for a divorce and custody of his kids.

It’s hard for Bryan to open up about his story, he’s afraid that people won’t believe him. It took him 3 visits to Dr. Angie Panos to open up about this, only complaining about his small worries and depression at first. When people ask how he lost part of his hearing, he says it was a hunting accident, even when he went to the doctor’s about it he lied, too afraid to tell the truth.

But why does this matter?

How Common is Domestic Violence Against Men?

When it comes to statistics for domestic violence against men, there are varying percentages on just how many victims there are, making it hard to come to an agreement on.

According to NCADV, 1 in every 4 men (compared to 1 in 3 women) have been victims of some sort of domestic violence, and 1 in every 7 men have been victims of severe domestic violence as compared to 1 in 4 women.

Although women, without a doubt, are still the most common victims of domestic violence, men still make up about 24% of domestic violence survivors and about 48.8% of men have been victims of some sort of physiological abuse based on the statistics of Domestic Shelters[perfectpullquote align=”left” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]About 48.8% of men have been victims of some sort of physiological abuse. [/perfectpullquote]

Why is there such a varying degree of statistics though? Well, it may come down to the stigma that male victims face.

Stigma Against Male Victims

Earlier, I spoke of Bryan’s story. I mentioned how it was hard for him to come out and talk about his story. But why is this?

Domestic Shelters states that male victims of domestic violence often face the “stronger sex” stereotype that our society continues to hold onto to this day. Because of this stereotype, male victims tend to believe they’re “less of a man” and people often expect them to fight back against their abuser. Not to mention if they do end up reporting their situation to the police, they’re often met with more skepticism than their female counterparts.

Not only that but let’s say a man is being abused by his wife, and they’re married with kids, and the conclusion is reached that they will divorce. The chances of the man actually getting custody or meaningful time with his children are slim. National Parents Organization states that a survey posted by the Minnesota Supreme Court found that majority, 56%, of state judges of both genders agreed with the statement that the children belong to the mother, not the father. Another study posted on the same page was that 94% of male and 84% of female attornies believed that judges displayed some sort of prejudice against fathers.

What does this have to do with domestic violence against men, though? Well, this shows that not only are men met with more skepticism when coming out with their domestic violence stories, but they also start to take action to get away from their partners, the courts are biased against them, especially when it comes to custody of children

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The stigma and abuse aren’t just strictly tied to male-to-female relationships. Same-sex relationships face enough stigma as is, but when a same-sex relationship is also abusive Domestic Shelters finds that it can fuel even more hate and stigma towards them, making it hard for those in the relationship to come out about it and seek help.

Domestic Abuse Shelters

Although male victims aren’t the majority of victims of domestic violence, that doesn’t mean they need any less focus or attention. Both sides deserve to be provided safe environments for them to go to help deal with their struggles.

Currently, there are a handful of domestic abuse shelters that take both men and women and very few male-only domestic violence shelters exist as compared to a large number of shelters that only accept women.

Being near people those of the same gender of the one who hurt you could be potentially harmful to you depending on how you’re handling the situation. On the other end, New York Post believes that domestic abuse shelters that accept both men and women allow victims to communicate with those of the opposite sex who won’t hurt them. There’s also the situation that the couple was same-sex, so a combined group of men and women could work even better.

So, not only are establishing domestic abuse shelters that are made specifically either for men or women important but ones that accept both men and women as well

Another important factor in these shelters is making sure that the environment stays safe and positive. These environments staying positive is important because these are recovering victims of domestic abuse, people who were physically and mentally abused.

Now, why address domestic abuse shelters, surely they’re all the things I previously described, right? Well, the truth is, not so much, especially for men.

According to the National Parents Organization, 64% of men who had called a shelter for help were told that they only helped women and only 25% of those men were referred to somewhere else[perfectpullquote align=”right” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Of the men that had called for help only 8% reported that they found the shelter helpful.[/perfectpullquote]

Of the men that had called for help only 8% reported that they found the shelter helpful, another statistic from the National Parents Organization. 69% said that they didn’t find them helpful at all, and 18% of those victims reported having not only been dismissed but also made fun of, 12% of shelters also stated that it must have been his fault he was experiencing this abuse, that he must’ve done something to him or her to start this abuse.

Conclusion

The mental effects of domestic violence can be lifelong, both physical and mental. The Joyful Heart Foundation states that the symptoms are things ranging from things like chronic fatigue, muscle tension, anxiety, and to even more serious things like PTSD. Because of these effects, it’s important that we acknowledge that both genders can experience this harm.

By recognizing that not only women but also men experience domestic abuse, we as a society can work together to eliminate the stigma that men are the stronger sex and that women can, in fact, abuse men. By doing this, we can create a society that openly discusses and works towards helping victims of domestic violence, man or woman by creating places they can go to get the help they need.

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