My Experience With Boys

[dropcap]I[/dropcap] go to a summer camp every year. It’s sentimental to my family, my grandparents met there when they were young. My aunts and uncles and my own father have all gone to the same camp. All of my siblings go and we have fun every summer. And each year I  develop a summer camp crush. Obviously it has never gone further than being just a crush, but just this last summer something different happened. My camp crush this past summer was great. We hung out for most of the week and playfully insulted one another every once in a while. It wasn’t until after camp was over that I found out my summer camp crush was unavailable. My camp crush turned out to be my third cousin. It was the most uncomfortable conversation, to tell him that we were related to one another. We still continue to talk a lot, but it always gets awkward when I think about him being my summer camp crush.

I am single, and I honestly don’t mind being single. There are many reasons as to why I think I am single; I can’t keep eye contact, I am socially awkward, I tend to ramble about topics that aren’t of much importance, and my choice with boys isn’t the best.

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I’ve never been in an actual relationship, and honestly, relationships kind of scare me. I know a lot of people enjoy being with someone, but imagining myself with another person is a weird thing to think about. And maybe this is just because I have never been with someone. There have been times where I’ve said I was “dating” another person, but looking back, I wouldn’t count it as actually “dating” because we never did anything that would categorize it as dating one another.

Rules of a Relationship

In what I have experienced and seen throughout my few high school years, I believe that relationships should have some pretty strict rules. I hope everyone believes that relationships should have rules. Highschool relationships aren’t a bad thing that’s for sure. Brandon Gaille agrees with this in his article, “21 Highschool Sweetheart Marriage Statistics” when he explains, “[T]hose who marry their high school sweethearts tend to have happy marriages.” Relationships can be a good thing, a great thing, you just need to make sure you’re not crossing the line with anything the two of you are doing.

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I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase, “PDA is not okay.” We’ve all heard it because it’s true. No one wants to see other people kissing in the hallways between classes. It’s already tough enough to walk through the halls when there are crowds of people blocking the way. Now add a few people making out as if no one is watching. The whole situation is awkward and uncomfortable. Now, I’m not saying that a couple can’t be close to one another, hand-holding and hugs are fine by me, but watching two of my peers kissing in the hallway is not my favorite pass time. 

A survey was up during class called “Highschool Relationships,” this was one of my favorite responses to the question, What do you think “Relationship Goals” means: “Relationship Goals is the cute, humble couple that doesn’t throw their tongues down each others’ throat in the middle of the hallway. I didn’t sign up to watch an XXX-rated show when I came to high school today, like nah thanks I’m good.” This response is a perfect representation of the reactions everyone else has around couples making out in the hallway. No one came to school to see it, so don’t do it.

Another thing that everyone should take into consideration is if your relationship is taking up the time spent with your friends and family. No one likes being left behind. Even though at the time your new boyfriend/girlfriend is the most important thing in your life, you need to remember who is also of importance. [perfectpullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Though at the time your new boyfriend or girlfriend are the most important thing in your life, you need to remember who is also of importance.[/perfectpullquote]

If you leave all your friends to hang out with your new boyfriend/girlfriend they will start distancing themselves from you. What if you two break up? You won’t have anyone to talk to anymore because you ignored them.

Similarly to ignoring your friends and family, you shouldn’t ignore your schoolwork. I know that no one is a huge fan of homework, but we all want to at least pass our classes. And you won’t be passing if you’ve spent all your time perfecting your relationship.

In Megan Bartlett and Mary Husser’s article, “Three Types of Highschool Relationships” they explain how your relationship shouldn’t take up all of your time: “[H]igh school is a period of time meant for experimentation and sharing laughter and memories.” We need to stop obsessing as much over our crushes and boyfriends/girlfriends because soon we’ll start ignoring everything else in life.

Communication is key. I’m sure that’s something everyone has heard before. Listen to each other. Now I know that you all are thinking, “well obviously I’m going to listen to him/her.” But just remember, that they could be saying the most important things at any moment. And remember, if you’re the one talking don’t leave important details out. A story from the “Highschool Relationships” survey said, “On my first date with my boyfriend he decided ten minutes before he was going to pick me up that he was going to bring his little brother along. It became very weird, and [my boyfriend] refused to hold my hand the entire time.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I would like to know if there are going to be any other people joining me on a date at least a day ahead. Don’t leave any information out when talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s the little details that make everything important.

Just remember that there are only four years of high school. You might not see these people ever again. So spend your high school years having fun. I’m not implying that you shouldn’t date in high school. I only want you to understand that high school is only temporary. In Yazmin Dominguez and Alexander Vassiliadis’s article, “Teen Dating: Can You Find True Love in High School?” they explain, “Take these four years to have fun, find your type, enjoy the company, and learn how to deal with your current boyfriend or girlfriend, so when the right one comes along you’ll know exactly if they’re the one.” Use your own experience when dating another person. Don’t believe everyone’s opinions about each other. A lot of the things high schoolers say about one another isn’t true.

Relationship Expectations

When I first went into high school, I knew that there was going to be no singing and dancing like in “High School Musical.” But I was still under the assumption that all the cutesy relationships in the movies were true. I was obviously wrong. I haven’t seen any of my peers ask someone out in a giant extravagant way. Because things like that don’t usually happen in a regular high school.

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I always thought boys are going to be so sweet and girls are so annoyingly polite. I was wrong again. Boys can be very mean, and so can girls. I am always worried that a boy I like is secretly a jerk. I’ve seen it happen to my peers and myself more than once.

Just this past summer a boy added me on snapchat. He goes to my school and he seemed like a nice guy so I added him back. We started to become friends and talk often. But as soon as we started getting comfortable talking to one another he asked me for pictures. This boy assumed that because I had added him back and started communicating with him that I would send pictures of myself to him.

And I know plenty of other girls who have gone through the same thing. A girl in our grade started dating a boy that she had become close with. After only a few days of their relationship, he asked her for pictures. The worst part is, that when she declined he made up excuses like, “it was a joke.” or “I swear I was just kidding.” And even went far enough to say it wasn’t him who asked but someone else to cover up his actions.

No one wants their crush to turn out to be a bully. And this applies to friendships too. We’re all hoping that your new friend isn’t a bully when you get to know them. We have all heard the story of someone’s best friend stabbing them in the back. We’ve all heard it because it happens so often. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is friendly or romantic. I am always worried about the actions of my friends and if they will hurt me or not.

Relationships should be fixable. Meaning if one person were to say an offensive term or sentence and the other person were to get upset, that they would have an argument. But after the argument, they should be able to go back to one another. In Chris Enloe’s article, “Tips for a Successful High School Relationship” he asks why fighting is starting to be a regular occurrence in a relationship: “Why spend all of that time fighting with someone, when you can be productive doing something and being happy?” 

If you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are constantly fighting, you need to take a second to think if you should continue to stay together. It is good for you and your boyfriend/girlfriend to fight. But if it’s a constant occurrence then you may have to reconsider your relationship.

I am the kind of person that liked the romantic aspect of the past. Things that don’t really happen anymore; passing notes in class to your boyfriend/girlfriend, going to a fancy restaurant as a date, or even getting flowers when they come to your door. Nowadays some relationships are only online. In Amber Sutton’s article “Teen Dating in the Digital Age” she explains, “[S]ocial media and modern technology play a huge role in how high school couples meet, communicate and break-up.” I see the aspect of online dating. It’s a great way to meet people, but the relationship shouldn’t stay online. Teenagers need to communicate with one another in real life settings, not just in Instagram DM’s.

Relationship Goals

The responses to the question, what do you think “Relationship Goals” means were some of my favorites;

• “Two people that respect each other and would do anything for the other because they love each other.”
• “What others want their relationship to be like.”
• “When you have that one person that you know you can trust and when you’re with them you can’t stop smiling. Whether it be a relationship with someone you like or your closest friend.”
• “An open, honest relationship where you can talk about anything without fear of rejection. It is a relationship where you can be yourself without second-guessing it constantly.”
• “When two people are being really cute with each other. They’re happy and their relationship makes other people happy too. And they aren’t trying to be ‘Relationship Goals’.”
• “Establishing core values like trust and loyalty before you have sex. Goals: be kind to one another.”
• “To have a healthy relationship (which doesn’t necessarily mean no fighting, just dealing with it in a good way.) They have the same humor and are happy around each other.”

They are my favorite because not only do they give tips on how to keep a good relationship, but they also remind us what our goal for a relationship should be.These answers are from your peers, from the people you sit next to in class. This is what they think about relationships. This is how they view a good relationship. Do you think they view your relationship as “Relationship Goals?” What do you think “Relationship Goals” means?

I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. I hope I’ve made that clear enough, but I do know what a good relationship should consist of. [perfectpullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Do not be the couple in the hallway that is making out in front of everyone. No one wants to see it and it makes everyone uncomfortable. [/perfectpullquote] Do not be the couple in the hallway that is making out in front of everyone. No one wants to see it and it makes everyone uncomfortable. The two of you need to be able to communicate with one another. If there is no conversation, there is no relationship. If you are in a relationship, try to keep in mind your other priorities too. Your friends should still be by your side all throughout your relationship, don’t push them away. The same thing goes for school, at least try to graduate. Imagine how it would feel to tell your parents that the reason you aren’t getting a high school diploma is that you spent so much time on your relationship. Your relationship shouldn’t be the only thing you care about while you’re in high school. We still have our entire lives to look forward to.

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